Updates: I do still exist!

So...2010, the start of a new year! Does that mean I get to start over? Let's hope so! I've been MIA due to many things. Finals, stress, guilt, and a general desire to give up! But I'm here, I'm back, and I'm going to try to stay that way! (at least until school starts back up again, haha...)

The good news? My hiatus didn't send me backwards, but it definitely didn't send me forward either! I weighed myself this morning at 287. However, during the past month, I've been as high as 295, so it took me some work to get back to normal.
In other news, I got a 100% on 2 of my finals!!! I've never done this well before, so even though I wasn't working out or eating right, I was doing something right! My final report card consisted of an A, A-, A-, B+, B, B-, C, and an S (pass/fail class). I wasn't thrilled about the C, but overall I raised my GPA by 0.5, which hasn't happpened in about 3 semesters! I'm patting myself on the back for that one :D.

This year, I'd like to spend more time consistently eating healthy and exercising than NOT doing those things, if that makes sense? I don't want to set a specific goal, because I think they tend to stress me out. But I figure I'm going to be realistic, and allow myself the room for it to be okay to take small detours when I need to. Obviously, it would be ideal for me to stay on track all year, but that's just not too realistic of a goal.
In general, I just want to be more of a healthy person! I.E. Taking a daily vitamin, attempting to floss more, eating foods that are not only low fat, but also good for me. I know that these are pretty lofty goals, but it doesn't hurt to try. Life gets in the way, but if I don't try, I won't have a life worth living in the long run.

Anywho, that's all for now--hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!

Bah!!!

After last week's unexpected success, this week was a complete sham! I ate junk, I felt like crap about it, and in turn, ate more junk. I did work out twice....ARGH I'm not looking forward to weighing in tomorrow. I've been back and forth about not even going, but just the fact that I'm dreading going probably means that I definitely should. I'm feeling swamped. After taking last week off and doing little other than working, working out, and enjoying friends/family it was hard to get back to reality!! I have an exam Thursday, then Friday is my last day of classes. The following week I have a final exam on Tuesday, two exams on Wednesday (one cumulative, one not, worth 3 separate grades each), and a cumulative final exam on Thursday. AAAH! I'm so sick of this cycle of eating poorly, feeling like crap about it, getting back on track, getting re-overwhelmed, and then starting it all over again! I'm sorry to those of you still reading this because I must sound like a broken record. Ugh...on the bright side of things, December 17th will be my last final and then I don't have to go back to school until January 25th, CAN. NOT. WAIT.

A Thanksgiving Miracle

Weight: 287.4
Loss: -2.2 lbs
Total Loss: 34.2 lbs

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I had a GREAT week. Other than 2 days that I was called into the pharmacy, I did nothing but enjoy myself with my friends and family. Should I have studied? Should I have worked more hours? Probably, but it was just so nice to stop, breathe, and feel somewhat carefree for a little while! To top it off, I somehow lost weight--on Thanksgiving! I had actually been planning on staying the same. I worked out the first 4 days of the week in preparation, and then on Thanksgiving I didn't really restrict myself (though I suppose I really didn't go crazy either). Apparently for me, that was the recipe for success!! I'm back in RI today and trying to get myself back into the school mindset...I just cleaned my room and I should probably start studying tonight (here we go again..is it December 17 yet??). Here's hoping that I can continue my weight loss in these last 3 weeks before winter break.

Okay, maybe now I'm done wallowing?

Weight: 289.6
Loss: -0.8 lbs
Total Loss: 32 lbs

So, I'm still alive! I've just been extremely busy and stressed with school.. and life! (I know, I know --same old story). I've had several exams in the past 2 weeks, one of which sent me back into wallowing (just a little bit) because I made some really dumb mistakes. Also, a couple of my pharmacy friends and I have been looking into moving into a house off campus for next semester (eek! so last minute I know). Mainly because of how ridiculously overpriced it is where we live now, and that has been SUPER stressful. I won't get into the details of it, but basically any time anything went wrong with the house-finding process, the blame seemed to land on me. Don't ask me how..but whatever! That's over and done with, we applied for the house we wanted (it's awesome) and we'll know if we're approved by tomorrow!

I've been so back and forth with the weight loss process over the past 2 weeks so when I finally weighed in again today, I was expecting a 5 lb gain, I truly was. However! I somehow pulled off a 0.8 lb loss. I know that's not exactly impressive as it's been so long since I last weighed in...but if I can maintain my weight loss while at school, I still consider that a success!! Ideally, I do want to try and lose some more weight, because it just seems like such a waste of time to be fighting so hard just to stay the same. Starting today I've recommitted myself. I don't have another exam until December 10th, so I should be able to get back in the groove of things until then. Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post, that support is what prevents me from giving up when I'm having such a hard time sticking to my plan.

Alrighty, I'm home for the weekend, so I've gotta get going (laundry, friends, family, hw--they're all calling my name right now). Just wanted to post a quick update to show that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth just yet. Have a wonderful week and holiday (if I don't post again by Thurs)!! Thanks again for all the support, :).

Done wallowing!

First of all, thanks for the supportive comments! They were great help when I was trying to get through the ups and downs of my stress this past week.


Secondly, I have no updates to report today, :(.. Since my car died, I've either found a ride or gone home via public transportation and used my mom's car to go to Weight Watchers. However, this weekend neither of those things were possibilities! (It was bound to happen eventually). As I don't have a scale here, I have no idea how my week went. Judging by what I ate and my activity I would probably estimate that I basically stayed the same. I ate more than usual, but I also made sure to counter-balance that with adequate time on the elliptical. Not a loss, but at least it's something!


And I'm not going to lie, I did wallow for a big majority of the week. Not so much over the fact that I've gained..but more the frustration that comes with having such a big number to lose. While I'm well aware of how irrational it is, my 31 pound loss just doesn't seem that awesome when I still have 140 lbs to go. Sometimes I get too focused on the BIG picture rather that celebrating the acheivement of smaller goals. Also, I was at this very point 2 years ago and somehow found a way to make it past 300 again, all the way to 321! Sometimes I wonder what makes this time any different, i.e. how do I know that I won't fail again? I know that the simple answer is that I won't let myself fail, but it's hard not to be slightly discouraged when it's something that's happened before.


HOWEVER. As of last night, I took a stand and decided to CUT THE CRAP! I needed to study and I needed to work out so I thought--hell, let's combine the two! I did an hour on the elliptical (800 calories burned!) while reading through my self care notes (self care = being able to advise patients about appropriate over the counter product use). It was nice because after that hour I felt slightly more accomplished both physically and academically =].


Also, I'd been meaning to cut my hair for forEVER--so I decided to today! It was actually a pretty drastic cut, but I feel wonderful about it. Heck, my hair is ridculously thick, I probably even lost a pound (lol I wish).


BEFORE:














AFTER:















Who'd of thought, a non-weight related before and after! Haha, but anywho--though it was probably money I shouldn't have spent, getting my hair cut made feel better and more motivated! (Think I can get blue cross blue shield to cover it as a mental-health-related expense??)

Hope all is well out there in blogger-land! Here's to getting back on that horse (...or elliptical).

Still swamped!

Ugh. School is crazy right now and I've been letting it get the best of me. The things I usually do to help get myself back on track aren't working and I've been terrible at managing my time. The worst thing about it all is that even with all this stress and shifting priorties from health to grades--I'm still struggling in both areas because I don't have a concrete enough plan for either. Needless to say, I was up this Saturday.

Weight: 290.4
GAIN: 1.6 lbs

I have no plan and at the moment, almost zero mental capacity to form one. All I know is that something needs to be done! I also hate that I've fallen off the face of the earth as far as blogging and reading other blogs, because it's something I truly enjoy doing... :\

Swamped!

Saturday's weigh-in: 288.8
Loss: -0.4 lbs

Not the most impressive, but as always down > up! In a way this small loss impresses me because this past week was SO stressful, I was going crazy finishing my paper and preparing for my presentation (I am a stomach-sinking-dry-mouth-fumbling-for-words kinda gal when it comes to public speaking). Did I eat more and exercise less? Yes. Was I out of control? No. It's little things like this that really prove to me that I have actually changed my lifestyle. That just maybe this time is different from past attempts, and that even when my emotional world is a wreck--I can maintain my physical world!

I know that I've been MIA and unfortunately, I'm going to continue to have to be this week :(. I have a quiz on vaccination Tuesday, a midterm in pharmacy management also Tuesday, and an exam on Wednesday that covers inpatient & outpatient respiratory infections, tuberculosis, endocarditis, sepsis, fungal infections, central nervous system infections, & vaccines! AKA--I'm so in over my head that I should not even have my computer on right now! UGH.

I promise I'll resurface the next time I can get my head above water!